More alive than everyone else.
2006-03-16 / 1:05 a.m.


Quotation of the day:
"You look cold; here, wear my hoodie."

My life so far has been pretty fired up with staying after lessons and being asleep. Any extra time is spent thinking about BSc courses and trying to make a half-decent sound out of my new stringed instrument. I still need to find out the name of this instrument that I received as a gift; it is a Chinese instrument with two strings, and is bowed through standing vertical on my lap.

At the moment I am taking a break from Psychology notes because Ben was such a distraction with filling my mind with perverse that I failed to do any in class, therefore I am catching up at home. Sitting next to Malini is better because, contrary to belief, she actually makes me work. Perhaps I'd prefer it when Ben bunks off, but that isn't something so nice to say about a friend.

I'm alive and well! Everything is, if not going great, then neutral. And neutral is good enough, anything is good enough as long as it isn't bad.

In terms of sixth form:
  • I received my first official grade in AS. It is just a module but it is still an official grade, yes? The subject is on Media Studies and I remember thinking back the exam I found was pretty bloody difficult. Nonetheless, 72/90 to get an A, I got 82. Mmm is this showing off? I tried not to but I am too proud about it to keep it down.
  • Staying after classes to talk about university, difference between BSc and BA and which course should be better. It's all reeling around my head at the moment but perhaps, as Ken said, I am thinking too far ahead and I should concentrate on getting on with the rapidly approaching AS exams instead.
  • Resulting from these staying-after-classes rituals, I have formed a small bond with some teachers.
    "Don't care about anything else - go for it!"
    "You are the perfect Psychology undergraduate student."
    And I am going to extend these bonds - I need their help.
  • This is where my main source of stress is coming from. But I shouldn't be so stressed. Then again, I've always had issues with being overly-stressed for something that isn't worth the amount.


    • In terms of social life:
  • Walking against the biting wind, bumping into someone who cares instantly fills me with warmth. I enjoy the touch of having someone else's clothing being over-sized on my body. In the past week the cold could've made its way into my body, but the emotional strength behind these lent/borrowed clothing is incredible.
  • I am extremely impressed by the way I can keep a friendship that travels halfway around the world so close to me. I think Emma being on opposite ends of Earth from me prevents the chance of us ever having a quarrel, but I think when we get together again, no doubt there will be some. In a way, I miss those fights; and apparently, so does she. What a strange friendship we have here.
  • The trio isn't back in touch, but I am equally connected with both Bethan and Amal, just separately. Registration & going-home with Bethan sometimes, and lessons & lunch with Amal sometimes, it is okay. Although, I would really like the three to join up again, it has been ages. Meetings were arranged but [as always] Amal had something coming up. There is always next time, but when 'next time' comes up is indefinite.
  • After being kicked in the face resulting in two black eyes and a swollen jaw, Toby's teeth has also taken on a bad turn. Seeing him that first morning gave me such a fright. Mainly because I've never seen a black eye before - it was actually black - but because, I care for him so, and every time I saw him afterwards I always had to lift up his hair to check his eye; because my motherly instincts kicks out =D.


    • In terms of sleeping:
  • After battling with my body about not taking naps when I return home from school for about a fortnight, at the start of this week, when I got home, I sat on my chair with all my intentions to do work, but inevitably I fell asleep.
  • It is too difficult to stay awake, and upon awakening is even harder.
  • It's not like I don't get enough sleep. I sleep as much as I did before I cut off the naps, and perhaps even more [now/when that the naps are/were cut off].
  • Even so, I enjoy sleep. If conditions are met, I completely fall in love with the momentary feeling of just before my brain shuts down; and although that is the case, sometimes during my sleep I can feel that the bed is so comfortable, it is so warm inside this duvet, and whoever is next to me breathes so rhythmically it almost is a lullaby.


    • In terms of the boyfriend:
  • My list of good memories is numbered in the hundreds, and it's only been about three months - I think? I've learnt not to keep track of the months. Mostly because I've found it degrading for couples to 'yay' as each month passes. Yearly anniversaries are good, I have no problem with that, but monthly anniversaries seem to me that they have 'finally made it' and that is the reason of celebration.
  • Rough spots? One or two, or five or six. But without those, I just leave. Honestly speaking, I initiated them just to elicit a reaction. I need to work on that; I don't want to generate too much negative energy. But all is fine at the end because always always always after thirty minutes, he goes to get a bucket full of water and splash it over negative energy, and then pick up on all positive energy that left at last.
  • Malini and I were discussing how we always end up "picking a fight" [instead of having an argument] with our boyfriends because they refuse to retaliate, even if the smallest form. Quoting from Oscar Wilde, "nothing is so aggravating as calmness," and I completely agree.


    • In terms of being intimidating:
  • Upon telling Toby about this character trait - that is quite very new to myself; if not, renewed would be a better way to go about it - he laughed and said,
    "You?! Intimidating?! That is not a word I would ever use to describe you!"
    In agreement, I said,
    "You have just pinpointed the way I feel about it."
    Being one of the smallest girls in the year/school and having an angular face that has many times been described as "cute", I find it difficult that I am associated with the word even by a fraction. And so does Toby.


    • Me: I remember it was 35 exactly that we made the deal on.
    Me: If I am not married by 35 then I am marrying you.
    Andy: So I'm like your insurance policy.
    Andy: That sucks.



    ♥ Joey



    Previous entries:

    My brother's 18th! - 2006-06-12

    No more exams! - 2006-06-10

    Two more exams left! - 2006-06-07

    Game Maniac - 2006-06-04

    Antipication of no exams. - 2006-06-02



    More entries could be found here.